Hey, Scientists! Need a Theory to Test? #1 Skin Tightness

Hey, Scientists. Here is a well thought out science theory for you to test. 

All I ask is that you make me 3rd or 4th author on the papers that come from it. I really want to go back and get my PhD, and being published will help my application process.

This one is on skin tone - not the color, but the fitness of the skin.

Here's the problem: People who lose a lot of weight have loose skin. It has been stretched out for so long that it is not able to shrink with the tissues under it and it gets floppy. Older people also tend to lose tone and elasticity in their skin. Humans find this a very adverse condition. Except possibly people who have flag or eagle tattoos. They may enjoy the animation.

Here's the question: Is there a way to tone skin and tighten it?

Here's the logic: Human muscles can be toned and tightened by exercise. Human skin has muscles, tiny muscles, but, muscles none-the-less. Therefore, we should be able to exercise skin muscles and achieve better skin tension.

Here's the hypothesis: If people with poor skin fitness are forced to exercise their skin for 1 hour every day, there will be a marked increase in the tightness of their skin after 6 weeks.

Here is the procedure: Have participants come in and experience extreme cold and wafty, moist breezes in a controlled lab condition for 1 hour everyday. Every participant will be monitored carefully to make sure that they experience goosebumps for at least 45 minutes of each daily hour, because it is the little muscles in the skin that contract to warm the body (goosebumps) that are the exercise. (See. This is making perfect sense, is it not?) Measurements of the skin before the trial and after the trial will determine the effectiveness of the skin exercises. Control subjects will come in and shoot the breeze with the testers but will not be subject to actual cold breezes.

Also, for the writeup: Come up with a more technical term for goosebumps.

An added benefit or next step study: Test to see how many calories the goosebumps burn. The goosebumps are caused by muscles, and, therefore, the muscles are being used, right? It makes sense that they are burning calories. And shivering. Shivering should also burn calories.

Potential money making: Market a cooling jumpsuit that gets people shivering and goosebumping for weight loss and skin tightening. We can be rich! (I get 50%).

Gardening Must Do's and Must Don'ts

Here are some things I have learned over the years that are really important to know when you are a home gardener. Just thought you could use the information, as it has been really hard-earned for me.

• Always, ALWAYS, squish up your gardening gloves clear out to the tips of the fingers before you put them on your hands. This is to kill any spider that may have found your glove a happy home.
• Do not plant roses near your air conditioning unit or anything else that may need maintenance at any time of the year, because repairmen will charge you extra and curse in your yard if you do.
• Do not plant wisteria near your house or porch or trees or bushes or wimpy trellis or retaining walls or shed or tree house or playset. It will take over. It will overcome.
• Better yet, do not plant wisteria. Just don't.
• Remember that any convenience the automatic sprinklers give you will be offset by lots of time repairing heads that get poked out by aeration guys and snow blowers and just by random acts of God. It will be a love/hate relationship.
• Do check your sprinklers once in a while, because you never know when that random act of God will strike, and if your sprinklers only come on at night, you will have a devil of a time knowing that there is a problem. At least until your neighbor calls and tells you there's a problem, because his garden is being washed out at night, every night, and has been over the course of the last month.
• Do mutter to yourself when you lift off a lid to a sprinkler control box or water meter, "There might be black widows in the perfect, dark, little square holes on the back of this horribly designed lid." It makes it easier to scream, throw the lid, and run, if you are well-prepared first. And just to make you that much more prepared for anything - though it hasn't happened to me, it has happened up the hill a mile or so - rattle snakes in the water meter pits. Gives new meaning to the term 'pit vipers'. Yeah, I know. 
• Hire help for the sprinkler maintenance from now on.
• Do enjoy the gardening catalogs. 
• Don't think anything you grow will look anything like the gardening catalogs. Remember, they have staff horticulturalists and photo-shoppers making theirs look good. You have, well, you.
• Plants that people give away for free from their garden are going to overtake yours, just like they did the giver's. And that is why they are free.
• Free plants you should not ever accept: iris, daisies, chamomile, horseradish, wisteria, parsley, oregano, horsetail, bamboo, sunflower, aspen trees, and holly hocks. Or anything thistle looking (and not because of the thorns, but because of the propensity of seeds!). If you do want some of these plants, however, let me know. I can get you some for free!
• Do not put black thistle into a bird feeder or allow your neighbors within 30 miles to put black thistle into a bird feeder, unless all you want to grow in your yard is black thistle.
• Do wear a belt and long shirt when gardening. Gardeners get a 'gardener's tan' about the same place plumbers have exposed skin and the neighbors don't appreciate gardener's tans, although the hub might appreciate it.
• Prune like you mean it. Too little and the plants know you are weak and they take over completely.
• Do talk encouragingly to your plants, just not when anyone can see or hear you.
• Don't over-water your grass. Not only does it waste water, it makes the worms crawl out of the turf and all over your sidewalk. Dead worms are really hard to get off the concrete.
• Don't buy materials for a yard project until you are truly ready to tackle it or you will forget what you were going to do with them and they will just sit there taunting you for a couple of seasons.
• And, finally, don't make anything you see on the internet that is made out of chicken wire. Chicken wire is a tool of the devil.

I Do - Wedding Chalkboard Ideas

Wedding season is coming up. Kids are finishing a semester and thinking that now would be the perfect time to start their wedded bliss. My hub and I did that. We got married after fall semester, in the dead of winter, in the nearly coldest, nearly snowiest, part of the state, where you had to drive through a nasty, slippery canyon to get there, and where none of the wedding party lived except us. Love makes you stupid.

I also asked my future father-in-law and fiance' to go to the forest and cut down, oh, say ten, yes, ten, cute 6 to 8 foot trees from the forest (since the Father-in-law worked for them) and bring them 200 miles up the road and put stands on them and have them for decoration at the reception. Then we could give those as party favors to all the family members who came and it would be great. Thank you. I was such a jerk and a self-centered twit. Anyway, they did it. And the hub still married me and the father-in-law let him. So those were my decorations at my reception and it was spectacular.

I am amazed now at what young folk are doing for receptions and the amount of money they are spending to do them. Wow. Although, I think opening his wallet may have been easier for the father-in-law than trudging through the forest in the snow looking for ten perfect Christmas trees. It is hard enough to find just one perfect tree.

To my credit though, I didn't make him wear a tux and he was grateful for that.

One of the new trends in weddings and in home decor, is chalkboards. Check pinterest. Chalkboards are a big deal.  Since I made my chalkboard for my front porch a few years ago, I have had friends request chalkboard art for wedding receptions. Here is the basic process for those.

Generally when people ask me to do a chalkboard they have specific things in mind that they want it to say. I get the wording in writing and then start asking questions:

• Is the reception formal or casual? If it is formal I make sure they see my board, which is NOT formal in the least, but can take on shabby chic sophistication, I guess.
• What are the wedding colors?
• Do you have any particular design ideas in mind? Often they do and can sketch the basics out on paper so that I have a better chance at getting what they are after.
• Will it be outside or inside? Hanging or leaning or on an easel? Do you need my easel that I use for firesides? 
• Do you want colored chalk? Do you want colored chalk as an accent or all colored chalk? (like a Hawaii themed wedding or a circus wedding or something)
• When do you need it?
• When do you really need it? (In case I get busy, or lazy, or something)

The instructions for this first one were pretty loose. They had found the quote online and knew basically what they wanted it to say. They left the layout pretty much up to me with just the instruction that they wanted it 'scripty'. It was for an outdoor wedding with blue and pink and other colors and would be displayed on a table, leaning against a wall, outside.

I started with an online search and found the quote already done in computer fonts several different ways. I chose a couple that I thought might work and printed them out so I could play with their layout.

Once I got it on paper the way I liked it, I sent out a picture of the thumbnail drawing to the mom of the bride to okay.

Once she said she liked it (they always do. What can they say when you are doing it as a favor?) I went ahead and procrastinated for a while. Then I did the board and got it to them at the prescribed hour.

You can see the chalk dust both at the top and the bottom sitting on the frame on this one. I was just finishing when I took the photo and I hadn't vacuumed the edges yet and I had turned the frame upside down to fill in some of the letters (thus, the chalk on the top). This was one of my first attempts at chalkboard art at all. I think I have improved over time. Maybe.

 Here is an example of another wedding board in progress. I did it the same way. This time they had a list of things they wanted it to say. I looked for designs on the internet that had elements in series and found several that used the scroll. The ribbon made a design full of words and thoughts much easier to read and made it more coherent than if it was just a lot of writing.

This is what I drew up on paper for layout ideas for the next one. The mother of the bride told me what she wanted it to say and I looked around the internet for ideas, then combined them and got this. I texted the photo to her and she said it was good enough, so I put it on the chalkboard and delivered it to the reception. If she didn't like it then, it was too late.

As you do your board things will change a bit and that is okay. I am not good at swirly things and so I usually redo those several times before I put the pressure to the chalk. Wedding chalkboards tend to need swirlies. Sigh.*

Here is the nearly finished board - still needs vacuuming.

I don't know if you can see it, but the shading on the ribbon is individual lines drawn top to bottom. A lot of individual lines. This is when a simple pencil sharpener is really handy for sharpening your sticks of chalk. It is hard to draw individual lines without getting dull chalk and fat lines. Or invest in a chalk pencil set, which I am too cheap to do. I do this for fun, and it is not fun if it costs a lot!

I also do this for free for the same reason. If it is free, it is fun and not stressful. If I charged, it would be subject to standards and judgement and I guess maybe I am still too self-centered and twittish to have to deal with rejection. I may never grow up.

Hope you are having fun with a chalkboard. It is a great outlet for stress relief.

Grilled Cabbage, Onions, Chicken, and Focaccia Bread - It's Spring!

I am cooking out on the grill today for the first time since late fall and it feels and smells so good! We are having a big meal to celebrate the hub's birthday, which was yesterday.

Packet cooking on the grill is so easy and so good. Tonight the packets are cabbage and another with a sweet onion. The main dish is honey-mustard chicken breast and for a grain - grilled focaccia bread.

I'll go straight to the recipes.

Grilled Cabbage Packet

1/2 head of cabbage
1/2 lemon
1 Tbls garlic powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
2 Tbls Worcestershire sauce
6 slices bacon, cut in half

Cut a half of a head of cabbage into 1 1/2 inch thick wedges. Lay the wedges closely together on a 12 inch length of foil that you have sprayed with non-stick spray, leaving at least three inches on the sides of the foil. Drizzle the cabbage with the juice of the lemon and the Worcestershire sauce. Sprinkle with garlic, salt, and pepper. Lay the slices of bacon over the top (can be omitted, but, BACON! If you omit the bacon, drizzle about 2 Tbls of olive oil on the cabbage instead).

Lay another piece of sprayed foil on top and fold the edges of the top and bottom foil sheets together to make tightly sealed seams all the way around the outside and up to the cabbage. Mark the bacon side with a marker so you don't forget which side is which.

Get your grill medium hot (400 degrees). Lay the packet, bacon side up on the grill and close the grill lid. Turn down the heat to medium (350 degrees) and let cook for 15 minutes. Flip the packet over and let cook another 10 minutes.


Be careful when opening the packet because it is full of steam that can burn you, badly, like microwave popcorn bags . . .

Grilled, Whole Onion Packet

1 sweet onion
1 chicken bouillon cube
2 Tbls butter
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp pepper

Cut off the ends of the onion and peel it. Hollow out a small hole at the top of the onion with a knife just big enough for the bouillon cube to fit in. Carefully slice the onion from the hole down through the onion to within about an inch of the bottom all the way around the onion at 1 inch intervals. This allows the steam and flavors to get into the whole onion. It should still hold together mostly onion-like though because you don't cut all the way to the bottom.

Place onion on a square of foil. Put the cube in the hole at the top. Smear on the butter over the cube and the top of the onion. Sprinkle on the garlic powder and pepper.  Then wrap the foil up from the bottom and tightly seal.

Place on a medium hot grill and close the lid. Lower heat to medium and cook for 15 minutes with the top of the onion up. Then roll it over and cook another 10 minutes. (Same timing as the cabbage!)

 

 

The dough drizzled with oil, ready for 15 minutes of rising, then grilling

Grilled Focaccia Bread

3/4 cup very warm water
1 heaping tsp yeast
1 Tbls sugar
1 tsp thyme leaves
1 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp freshly ground dried rosemary leaves
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1/4 cup dried onion, minced
1/8 cup olive oil
Up to 2 cups bread flour
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese, shredded

In a large bowl, mix the water, yeast and sugar. Let sit for a couple of minutes. Then add the spices and onion (but not the salt). Let sit another 5 minutes. Stir in the olive oil. Then, add a cup of flour and the salt. Stir and add more flour until you get a sturdy but moist dough. Once it clings together and not to the bowl, knead it on a counter for a minute. Knead in the cheese just barely - you want to leave pockets of cheesy goodness here and there in the dough.

Flatten the dough into a circle and put into an oiled pie tin - or for a really good crust, put it in a small Dutch oven or cast iron skillet. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for an hour. When it has risen to the top of the pan carefully poke it down with your fingers. Let it rise again for 20 minutes and make indentations with your fingertips in the top. Drizzle with more olive oil and sprinkle with coarse salt.

Let rise another 15 minutes and then put the bread on a medium high grill over indirect heat (not over the burner). If you have a couple of stray bricks, put them in the grill to get hot and put your bread pan on top of those. Close the lid of the grill and let the bread bake for 15 minutes. (The first 15 minutes of the foil packets time.) Check it for browning on the bottom. I like some color on top too, so when the bread is almost done (15 minutes) I flip it out of the pan onto the grill itself and let it cook on that side for just a couple of minutes to give it grill marks. Let cool slightly before eating for best flavor.

Balsamic vinegar for dipping is optional.

Honey Mustard Grilled Chicken

2 chicken breasts, cut into 6 fillets (Cut off the thin end of the breast half way up the meat - 1 piece. Then, on the thicker end of the breast, slice through it horizontally to make 2 thinner pieces. You should now have 3 very similar sized chicken fillets).

Marinade:

2 Tbls prepared mustard
2 Tbls honey
2 Tbls Worcestershire sauce
dash of ground pepper

Mix up the marinade. Stir in the chicken pieces to coat. Keep covered in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours before grilling, stirring occasionally.

Cook on a medium hot zone (375 degrees) on a greased grill. Pour the leftover marinade on the chicken when you put it on the grill, that way it will cook when you flip the chicken over and it will not kill you. Cook about 8 minutes on the first side for fillets that are 3/4 inch thick. Then flip over and cook the other side of the chicken until done (about 5 minutes). Always cook chicken thoroughly; using a thermometer poked into the thickest part of the meat is the best way to make sure the chicken is safe. (Start the chicken during the last 10 minutes of the packet time.)


So that's dinner. Yup. Gotta love spring.

And happy birthday hub!

See the oozy cheesy goodness coming out of that piece of bread? That is why you just lightly fold it in the dough.

Death By Gretchen's Burritos

This is going to be a short post. But I just want it on record, in case someone finds me sprawled out on my kitchen floor, dead.

It will be a sad and solemn scene. I will be laying there on my back, all dead and my limbs splayed across the linoleum that I have always hated. My head will be about where those purple paint drops that I have not been able to remove since we moved in are. The dishwasher door will be gaping open. There will be a storage container lid near me on the left side of my stiff, cold corpse just beyond my curling, gnarled fingers. On the other side of my body you will find a used, plastic container with remnants of a great leftover meal clinging to the sides. My lips will be parted slightly with my front teeth touching, frozen on the last word they spoke: it. As in, "I knew it!"

Question the hub. Question him hard.  Make absolutely certain he did not do it on purpose just to be rid of me.

I hear you all saying, "What?"

Well, here it is.

I make larger meals than we can eat every night so that the hub can take leftovers for lunch. He likes this arrangement a lot. In fact, last Thursday he actually texted me when he ate it. "Yum. Gretchen burritos for lunch." That is what he said.

Well, he worked from home on Friday and then was home through the weekend. This morning, a Monday, he got out a new container of fresh leftovers from the fridge (chicken pot pi - from pi day which we celebrated on Saturday with the whole family) for lunch and put it into his back pack. At the same time, he removed the empty, but unwashed, sealed container from Thursday's lunch and put it on the counter.

When I open it to put it in the dishwasher I will die. The fumes that are trapped in there are noxious. It is beginning to bulge a little. Just want you to know. I love you all.

Goodbye, cruel world.

Growing Carrots from DIY Seed Tape

I have tried and failed at times with growing carrots. Little seeds are tough to get a good start in really cloddy clay soil like we have had at times in our gardens.

One thing that worked was sprinkling a lot of seed on my patch where I wanted carrots and then covering the area with wet burlap bags. The bags kept the seeds damp and dark until they sprouted. Once they began to grow, you carefully pull the burlap back and leave the carrot seedlings to grow. Once up a few inches tall thin them to the desired space apart.

Planting carrots is easier for me now, because I put in raised beds a few years ago with the square foot gardening 'soil' in them. I get nice smooth planting surfaces now. So I adopted a method that doesn't use tons of seeds.  It works quite well.

I took a class by the local university Extension office about how to get kids interested in gardening. They taught us to use paper towels as a base for seeds for square foot gardens. It was awesome.

With carrots I went with toilet paper squares, but it is the same concept.

First, roll out a strip of toilet paper the length you need for where you are planting. I used three foot strips for the edges of my deep bed.

Using regular school glue - water soluble - put dots on your tp squares an inch in from each corner. Then I followed with a row halfway between the dots and all along the middle so that my dots were about 2 1/2 inches apart and staggered. I harvest my carrots quite small. If you raise big carrots, leave out the middle row.

Then while the glue is wet, carefully put a carrot seed into each glue dot. Let the glue dry and you have a seed tape.

To plant, smooth out an area the size of your tape in the garden, depressing it just a little. Put the seed tape in the depression and cover with an eighth to a quarter inch of soil. Keep well watered. Carrots are slow sprouters, so be patient. And keep them moist. Did I mention that? It is really important not to let them dry out.

Sourdough Garlic Croutons from an old loaf of bread

 I had a loaf of sourdough bread that needed to be used, and soon. Here's a recipe for croutons that are really tasty, easy and make that loaf taste fresh again.

I will share the recipe for the bread at some point for those of you who like to bake EVERY week. Sourdough is a lifetime commitment.

Here is the leftover bread ready to be made into something fresh again.

Here is what I did with it. It was maybe better than the bread itself!

Cut the bread into 3/4 inch cubes. I sliced it lengthwise down through the top in slices. Then I sliced horizontally in slices lengthwise and finally cut it into "slices" which made cubes.

The cubed bread.

 Then, put the cubes into a large plastic bag or bowl. Throw away the tiny crumbs (or put them in the bird feeder).

In a small bowl, combine 4 tablespoons olive oil, 1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning, 1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, 1 tablespoon garlic powder, 1 teaspoon onion powder, and 1 tablespoon prepared mustard. Mix well and drizzle over the bread cubes shaking to get on as many as possible. Continue to gently shake and roll the bread crumbs around for a couple of minutes until well distributed around the cubes.

Pour the cubes out onto a large cookie sheet. Put into a cold oven and then turn it on to 425 degrees. Bake until just starting to brown. Mine took about fifteen minutes. Shake the pan or stir the croutons and put them back in the oven for a few more minutes to get a golden brown on most sides. Remove from the oven and cool on the pan. Use on salad or make a stuffing to go with chicken with them.

Here are the finished croutons - about 5 cups from a smallish loaf of bread. Not bad.

DIY Sourdough Garlic Croutons

Dressing/Stuffing for Chicken 

To make dressing you need 2 1/2 cups of croutons. Slightly crush them so about half are broken up.

Bring one cup of chicken bouillon to a boil. Add 2 tablespoons butter, 1/4 cup of chopped onion, and 1/4 cup chopped celery. Then add 1 teaspoon poultry seasoning spice. When onions are translucent, remove the soup base from heat. Put the croutons in with the sauce and stir well. Then cover with a lid. Let sit 10 minutes.

Fluff with a fork and serve.

I Love My Local Grocery Store - Mint S'mores

It is strange to think that I actually enjoy grocery shopping. Once I get out and do it.

I still hate going out and I put off all my trips into one big fandango, but the grocery store is awesome. I usually save it for last. Last the best and all that. I know that sounds weird. 

I have been shopping there for over 13 years now and have learned some names. The guy who runs the front desk at the store used to be a checker and he liked to sing happy songs while he checked. It was awesome. We talked while he rang me up and he has tropical fish and a son named Damian who also used to check at the store. When I go in I can ask him about them and he is always almost honored that I remember and that I ask. He fills me in. His last few new fish have disappeared. One of the other fish is obviously a cannibal but he hasn't figured out who yet. And, yes, I know the man's name.

Then there is the sweet little checker I try to find if she is there. She always seems so cheerful. Last time I went through her line she came around to help me uncart my groceries. I asked her how she was doing and she gave me a half-hearted okay. When I said she wasn't very convincing, she burst into tears and, while she didn't go into details, she shared some of what was happening in her life and I got to give her a hug.

Then there is the young man who started as a checker about four years ago. He was good looking and happy when I went through his line. So I tried to set him up with my daughter. I know, I am soo weird. He and my daughter thought so too. I gave him my daughter's number and the next time I saw him I asked if he had called. "No. Someone threw the paper away when they cleared off the register".

"That is really too bad. Here it is again." This time I tucked the paper into his suit coat pocket. He was dressed up for the storewide Halloween party and was stationed right by the front doors handing out treats. He could not escape. I really was having too much fun making him uncomfortable. Three times I gave him her number.

He is obviously one of those people who looks at what could go wrong instead of what could go right. Because he never called. I mean, who wouldn't want a crazy mother-in-law like me?

That young man is in charge of the dairy section now and I am pretty sure he runs to the back where they stock the milk just to hide when he sees me. It makes me chuckle. I really am evil. I still call him by name every chance I get and ask how things are in his hometown. He gave me far too much information. I love to see him squirm. He truly missed out though. The daughter is fabulous. (more about her below). And she has been married for over a year and a half. But don't tell him. It is just too fun to rattle his chain.

Back to why I love the store. I shop the pop aisle often enough that the Pepsi stocker always pulls out a special coupon for my husband's Mt. Dew addiction when he is there and sees me. It pays to be friendly. These are the really good coupons - like the ones he gives his mother.

They don't ask my name at the pharmacy - they just go get my phoned-in prescription and bring it to the window - and then the pharmacist asks how my daughter is doing. (yep, that daughter) She worked as a technician there for a summer and is now a pharmacist herself.

So, anyway, yesterday I decided I wanted to get a treat as a thank-you gift for people who were helping me with a church meeting that night. I went to the candy aisle and stood there pondering. "What cute little saying could I put with that candy? Would the ladies like those?"

I was a little perplexed. One of the young men walked by in his store apron and asked if I was doing okay. "Yeah," I replied.

He walked by again five minutes later and I was still standing there pondering.

"Are you finding everything you need?"

"I am doing this thing and I have helpers and I want to give them something good as a thank you."

"Oh, that's easy. Mints are always good," he said pointing to the bags of mint patties.

My head churned out a "just mint to thank you" message in my head and it was instantly decided. Love that boy nice young man!

Then, as an afterthought he added, "And they make the best s'mores."

Skeptical me: "REALLY?"

"Oh, yeah. The dark chocolate and the mint and the marshmallow. Ohhhh! So much better than plain and even better than the ones people are making with peanut butter cups."

I nodded like I knew people were making s'mores with peanut butter cups. Who knew?

So, loaded to the top with 10 bags of mint patties and a gallon of milk, I headed to the check stand. The kid nice, young man who had helped me had relocated to right in front of the line I was heading through.

"He made me do it!" I stammered to the checker, while pointing at the lad. "He is the one who made me look like a junk-food addict." He seemed proud.

Well, I got home and slapped a Just Mint to Thank You label on those bags and was ready to go.

But something kept nagging at me. Mint s'mores. It just kept running through my brain and making my mouth water. And, I had time, so I went back to the store and picked up graham crackers and marshmallows, lots of marshmallows. I do have a tendency toward compulsive.

We had these tonight for dessert to check it out.

Everyone thought they were good. I was surprised.

A single gift

The pile of gifts

 So, to make s'mores without a fire or grill here is what you do.

Put graham crackers tightly together on a baking dish. I was making four full size s'mores so I used four crackers. Then lay marshmallows across the top of the graham crackers - about two and a half marshmallows per cracker.

Put the dish in the oven at 350 degrees for about five minutes until the marshmallows get soft and start to plump up. Then switch the oven to high broil and give them about a minute more. Watch them closely and pull them out when they start to lightly brown on top.

Ready for the oven

 Once they are a little toasty, pull them out of the oven and turn off the heat. Quickly lay 14 unwrapped mint patties over the marshmallows. Place the pan back in the oven to melt the patties ever so slightly - less than a minute.

Melty and toasty

 Then put crackers on top and squish just enough to make them stick together.  Let me know what you think about them and I will let the kid at the store know. Unless you don't like them. Then I will keep it to myself. He is a nice kid. Wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. We're, like, old friends.

Gooey, Melty Mint S'mores

DIY Wire and Bead Nest Necklaces

Well, I am ready for spring and it has felt like it for the past few weeks here. Warm days with every other day getting rain. It has been wonderful.

I planted tomatoes, peppers, and onions and they are in the kitchen window sprouting. At least, I hope they are. Spring really can't be too far off.

Well, here is a craft that you can do that also celebrates a symbol of the season - a nest with eggs. I taught my 10 and 11 year-old girls from church how to do these for Mother's Day last year. They are very simple. The girls wove in the number of bead 'eggs' that their mothers had kids. It was a fun activity and their mothers loved them.

Materials:

 

Light weight, flexible wire (20 gauge is what I used)
Egg shaped beads with holes big enough for your wire to go through (my beads were about twice the size of seed beads -1/4 inch or so)
Either leatherette stringing or a necklace chain 

There are a variety of wires to choose from.

These are beads and wire I used today.

 How to: 

 

Take the end of your wire and roll it loosely around the end of a finger. Take it off and twist the coil on one end like you are opening a lid. This will tighten the wires into a bottom for the nest. Roll and twist more wire around the nest until you like how full it is. Bend and shape and experiment.

Close the bottom of the coil by twisting it.

Cut off your wire leaving about 8 inches to work with while you 'sew' your eggs into the nest.
slide a bead down the wire and into the nest. Poke the wire through the bottom or side of the nest and pull the wire tight, adjusting the bead to fit into the nest as you do so.

Bring the wire around the edge of the nest and put on another bead. Stitch it into the nest as before. Continue until your nest is as full as you would like it to be.

Stitching in the eggs into the wire nest.

Finish the necklace by tucking the wire in and out several times and giving it a kink so that it will not loosen. Be careful to tuck the stray wire ends into the nest so that they don't poke a neck.

Pull out a wire on the back and thread leatherette cord or a necklace chain through.

Now wasn't that easy?

My finished necklace with my four eggs.

Oh, Never Mind. I Took Care of It.

From my front yard - the horses are Cha Cha and Charlie.

Sunday Sermon 2

I have been thinking a lot this past month about my rural upbringing. We prayed for snow, or rain, or sun, or warmth on a daily basis. The fields were everyone's livelihood. Even if you didn't own an acre, or a cow, the local weather affected your own livelihood. If the farmers didn't have healthy, heavy cattle to sell from eating good winter hay, you closed your store. If the potatoes froze, families moved away and there were fewer kids to teach as a teacher. If the drought caused the deer to die, there would be no guiding money and no extra taxes to collect.

The valley where I grew up.

The farmers all over the Western United States called for people to fast and pray for rain at the beginning of February this year. The reservoirs we rely on for irrigation were drained to the bottom last year. Usually they stay half full. We drink from those reservoirs in the major cities along the Wasatch Front. The situation was dire. And the winter to this point had been dismal for water. Many of the snowpacks were at 20 percent of normal - and that was following the rough year before.

Well, people prayed. It was like being in my hometown again, listening to the fervent prayers for moisture.

The Lord heard our prayers. February brought our water storage in snowpack up remarkably. We had rain and snow in the mountains a lot, and that is unusual, and as March begins, it just keeps coming. We still have a way to go to get our numbers up enough to take us out of the extended drought, but no one can miss the miracle of February 2014.

Or can they? I am reminded of a story from my Dad. He probably told it to me when I was a little lazy in my faith or work ethic, but it stuck. It was a simple story:

There was a young man whose roof needed just a bit of fixing. He carefully climbed up the ladder and climbed warily onto the two-story roof. After a few minutes he got confident enough to wander the roof without too much fear. He quickly finished his patches at the very top of the roof and took a step toward the ladder below.

That is when it happened. He slipped. As he fell closer and closer to the edge of the roof, he tried to grab something, anything, that would prevent his falling. Finally, in desperation, he cried out, "Lord, please save me!"

Almost in that split second (and he really had no time but a split second before he would have fallen into the abyss), his back pants pocket caught on a protruding nail and stopped his descent.

"Oh, never mind, Lord. I took care of it", he said as he reached for the ladder.


We have truly experienced the hand of God in the last month. But in the prayers at church last week I heard no mention of the rain.

If God had a temper, I think he'd tip the ladder to the ground and leave us stranded up there on the roof.

And the story carries an added significance that is easy to miss. The thing that saved him was a nail.

Whether it is rain or atonement we need, let us be aware from whence the blessing comes. And it isn't our back pocket.

I Figured Out the BEST Wrinkle Cream Ever

The Infomercial

Do you know how much money is spent annually on trying to look or stay young? Well, the Global Industry Analysts (a market research group) says it is $80,000,000,000 per year. 80 billion! They expect that by 2015 that will climb to $114 billion.

But, really, you can now send me your cold, hard-earned cash, because I figured it out a few years back. It is the wrinkle cream that will keep us all looking as smooth and baby-faced as any little kid in the world. It has been tested as safe for thousands, if not millions, of years. It has been used over and over in every culture and time. It has even been safely tested on animals. It is actually one of those things that is tied into our very biological makeup. It is automatic. It cannot be escaped. It just happens. And yet, somehow, it has eluded us until I figured it out.

I am just that smart. It took me to figure it out. I am a science prodigy.

I think I will name it The B2 Elixir of Youth. I will charge you all one thousand dollars a month for the secret - direct deposited monthly to my secret Swiss account will be fine. And $1000 is a bargain compared to a skin-care product called Peau Magnifique that costs $1,500 for a 28-day supply. And that sounds French. Who trusts the French? You want my good ole B2 Elixir of Youth!

So how to get your own supply, you ask? Well, it is simple, really.

Just spit and rub. Yup.

Have you ever seen a wrinkle-faced cat? A slobbery, bubble-faced baby with wrinkles? And little kids don't have wrinkles either, obviously, because their mothers are constantly going, "Hey, kid. Come here. You got a little something right there. Let me get that for you." Followed, of course, by a lick to a thumb and a cleaning of the cheek.

It is only after the kids get old enough to start thinking that type of motherly protection is gross that they begin to age. But then they start kissing - really make-out and slimy and saliva-y kissing and that keeps it at bay for another 10 or 15 years.

After that, everyone keeps their spit to themselves, in their mouth and off their face, and the wrinkles begin in earnest.

Saliva. Sputum. Spit. That is the wrinkle secret.

You are welcome.

E-mail me for my account number to send your direct deposits to. I appreciate it. 

The brass spittoon we got as a wedding gift. It has remained empty all these years. Had I only known then what I know now, I would still have the skin of a teenager.

I Love My Front Porch Chalkboard

This is mostly a picture post. I just wanted to show you how fun it can be to have a chalkboard on your front porch - with a table in front of it to fill with all kinds of stuff.

I find designs for the chalkboard online (usually with the help of pinterest). Then I redraw them and adapt them to what I like and need.

Sorry about the crop on this. I am learning. And I am a slow learner.

I added snowmen and snowballs and scarves and mittens to the table for January. The ten-year olds from my church class thought I was talented to be able to copy the bear. Ten-year olds are so easy to fool.

Here is the chalkboard with the whole table thing going on.

If I were to give tips on how to write on a chalkboard they would be these:

• Draw up your design on a piece of paper - or print what you want from the internet.
• Draw on guidelines using a straight edge first - very lightly. Remember the blue striped paper from elementary school? Do those lines. Remember you will have ascenders and descenders on letters like y and g and l and b. Leave room for them. 
• Count how many letters and spaces in each line of letters. Start in the middle and work both directions if you want something centered. (example: willy nilly = 11 letters and spaces. The middle of the chalkboard, then, would have the space straddling it and I would write nilly normally out from the gap. Then I would write ylliw, in that order, writing from right to left leaving that center gap. Make sense?
• Write the words and drawings lightly at first. Start first with just writing them in normal handwriting. Then fill out the shape of the typography. (For instance, I first wrote D  A  Y in big block letters with lots of room between the letters. Then I filled out the larger shape of the serifs and bodies of the letters to DAY.)
• Use a damp cloth to erase what you don't love while it is still lightly drawn on.
• Get your chalk lightly wet and darken your lines and fill in the shapes. It will not look heavy as you use wet chalk but it will dry bright. Honest. And it will stay put better than dry chalk.
• Most important - remember that this is just an exercise in fun and whimsy. Enjoy it and its imperfections. It doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, if it is perfect you might as well just print it out on a computer. And that would just not be right.

Doesn't Take Much to Brighten a Corner

Well, now we start to get to the really embarrassing posts. The ones where I show you how we actually live. Sigh*

We finally finished most of the basement a few years ago. The hub did an amazing job on the walls and built-in bookshelf under the stairs. The kids helped paint, put in a wood floor, baseboard and trim, and it was looking great.

And it hasn't changed much since. I am a lazy bum.

Here is a photo of a lonely corner down there. It is attached to a wall we leave intentionally bare so we can watch movies on it, but I had no excuse for leaving this one bare for so long.

So I gathered up some interesting things I had around: a game board a good friend made for me, a game board my hub made, and a couple of stick tic-tac-toe boards and their rocks. I placed them carefully and artfully along the oak shelf (well, I just leaned them up - centered) and then put in one nail to hold a print of a painting that my Grandma did of my Grandpa for their engagement.

Took about ten minutes.

Boy, it is hard to find the time to decorate a house these days . . .

The kids may be a little careful about what movies they choose to watch now too. With Grandpa looking at them like that.

Cilantro is Gross; Avocado Salsa is a Wonderful Substitute!

Well, hope that the title didn't offend all of you. You can like cilantro if you want to - but really?

Thankfully neither the hub nor I enjoy it - too minty maybe? - so I can substitute things that are actually good when I make dinner.

I got a recipe from a friend for AMAZING pulled pork burritos that has a cilantro dressing topping. Not for us. Nope. We substitute a wonderful avocado-tomato salsa that is superior to top them.

You'll thank me.

The start of this recipe was from a cookbook I bought for a dollar on clearance. It was written in the UK and is mostly full of things that look really awful - salmon jello and eggplant slime on toast kinds of things. But this little treasure survived with some tweaking.

I can't cook without tweaking. That gets really irritating to friends who want my recipes. I am a little uneven in my work. And it is hard to tell you what I did when I just dump and pour. But this one I think I have down enough to pass on. I think.

Avocado and Tomato Salsa

Ingredients:

3 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons lime juice
2 Tablespoons sour cream
1 teaspoon salt
1  4 ounce can diced green chilis
1/3 of a medium onion, diced finely
1 ripe avocado, cut into 1/2 inch chunks
1 ripe tomato, cut into 1/2 inch chunks (or use 1 cup cherry tomatoes cut in half)

Mix everything together and let the flavors blend for about half an hour before you eat. Serve it over pork burritos, quesadillas, or eat it by itself as a side salad.


If all you can get are cardboard tomatoes from the grocery store, opt for cherry tomatoes for a little brighter flavor. But there is nothing that can beat garden fresh tomatoes. Nothing.

Sunday Sermon - Virus Database Updated

Sunday Sermon #1

It was quiet. Very quiet. Our whole congregation sat reverently during the very last moments of the administration of the Sacrament of Our Lord.

"Your virus database has been automatically updated!" screamed a laptop or tablet somewhere in the silence. A few snickers followed, as the Sacrament was finished.

For me, though, it was a warm teaching moment from the Father Himself. I partake of the sacrament weekly to remind me of the sacrifice and atonement of the Son of God. As I partake, I pray that I can always remember Him and act in accordance of His plan for me. I focus on His flesh, His blood, knowing that through His sacrifice I am saved. It makes me whole again after a week of being beaten down by temptation and burdens.

I was able to picture, at that moment, the protection of the weekly sacrament in my personal life - a protection so much more profound and thorough than that of the virus checker in the computer. And I need it's protection as much or more, than the machine needs a virus checker.

Please, Lord, protect me from the world this week as I remember Thee. I have been updated.

I Am the Gardener Here - Sticks and Stones Crafts

Well, it is the February thaw. Time to prune the fruit trees and roses. I love doing it. It makes me happy. And why not? I am outside, working with my hands, using my brain, and thinking about the promise of spring and harvest of sweet, juicy fruit and beautiful, fragrant flowers.

With every clip of the shears I repeat, "I am the gardener here," in my head. That quote comes from an analogy by Hugh B Brown. He was pruning a very overgrown currant bush and it seemed to cry and talk to him as he cut it back. It was an experience which helped him handle disappointment ten years later. Here is a wonderful youtube video of the story - music by Jon Schmidt. It is awesome and well done.

Hugh B Brown - I am the Gardener Here Audio/video

Hugh B Brown - I am the Gardener Here  text only

Nice, distraction, huh? But on with the post.

I have a hard time just trashing or even composting all those perfect sticks that I so carefully cut off. Maybe my currant bush could live on in another form, too, before it is composted? Yes, I think so.

Here are a couple of projects to use some of those sweet sticks. And maybe when you see your stick projects in your house you can hear "I know what I want you to be" in your head. Or maybe not.

Tic-Tac-Toe Boards for the Patio

 

 I first made these tic-tac-toe games for a wedding reception that was held at a local park. We made lots of yard games that we spread around the venue.

Materials -

Bases: Find some old board ends that are fairly thick and in decent shape (very weathered wood won't hold a nail - find something solid). Mine were a piece of 3/4" pine and a rough-sawn 1" red oak scrap from the hub's furniture cutoffs. They were 7 inches square and 8 inches square.

Sticks: The sticks I used were well dried (not just pruned or they will shrink and twist) sand cherry sticks. Try to choose very straight and flat sticks.

Brads: 1" to 1 1/4" brad nails (Use the longest ones you can without going through the back of the base board)

Waterproof glue

10  one to two inch River rocks

Acrylic paint (outdoor formulation would be best for outdoor use)

Bases: Layout two sticks from top to bottom on a square, wood base. Cut the sticks 1" smaller than the board. Position the sticks 1/3 of the base in on one side and 1/3 of the base in on the other side, centering top to bottom . (You are making the down lines on a tic-tac-toe grid; you know how to do this.) Put some glue on the back of one of the sticks and put it, glue side down, onto the base. Then nail it down with two brads - one, 1/3 of the stick up from the bottom and the other, 1/3 down from the top. ( _._._ ) Repeat with the other stick.

Now piece by piece, fit and cut six stick pieces to the grid to make a #, gluing and nailing as you go. Cut the pieces to fit tightly to the other sticks and keep your outer border on the base empty (leave space on the edges). While the glue dries, make the markers with the river rock.

Because we were taking these to a park, I made little bags out of leftover painter's canvas so we wouldn't lose the rocks.

Markers: Paint an O on five rocks in one color. Paint an X on the other five. Let dry.

When the boards are dry, paint with several coats of outdoor polyurethane making sure to get it smooshed into the nooks and crannies. Poly will brighten the stones too, if you like (I did not).

You could paint different things on the rocks to go with different themes for parties - hearts, or crowns, or initials, or animals, or leaves . . .

Rustic Pedestal Candle Holders

These candle holders use your bigger limbs.

These were from the cherry tree, which loves to grow taller than I want it to. My limbs were 2 1/2 inches across (largest holder) and 2 inches across (smaller, taller holders).

Simply cut varied lengths of limb on straight angles. I cut mine to: 3", 6" and 9".

Next, clamp your wood piece tightly down to something. Use a 3/4" spade bit on a drill to bore a half-inch deep hole into the top of the piece, centering it.



Have fun pruning - both real and figuratively.

My Family is Different From Yours

My family thinks differently than yours. I am a dummy surrounded by a lot of smart and gifted people. That becomes more evident all the time. Here's an example -

When the doorbell rang one night, my kids hurriedly disappeared, as usual. Social, we are not. When I answered the door, it was my friend Elenore bringing a bag of freshly made peanut brittle for us. She is a sweetheart, for sure. 

As soon as the door clicked closed, my whole family swarmed in like killer bees. "What did she bring? Can I have some? Elenore is such a good cook!" Sounds pretty normal familyish, so far, right?

Now, I don't make peanut brittle so this was going to be a real treat for everybody. You'd think they would have just eaten it with a few oohs and aahs and yums and that's that. Not so!

My rocket scientist husband - really, a PhD in rocket science - took off his glasses, because unlike real old people, he needs them only to see at a distance, and examined the edges of the pieces for clues to how the candy cracked before he ate them. "See this?" he said, pointing to the edge of a candy chunk. "This is a stress fracture." And he did that with EVERY piece he ate. His oohs and aahs came before he ate the candy.

Then my son, a geophysics major - don't ask me, it is hard to explain - picked up some candy and on it's way to his mouth, he stopped and began examining it. "Mom, how do you make this?"

"Boil water, sugar, and butter to hard crack stage. Stir in some vanilla and peanuts and pour it into a cookie sheet." Remember, I don't make brittle, but I think that's basically it. Don't judge me.

"This doesn't have a flat side," he replied, still turning it over and over in his hand in a methodical, scientific examination. Now everyone was looking at their piece of candy. "Wouldn't it have a flat side if it was poured into a pan?"

That was the trigger and everyone's theory finger started jerking.

"Maybe it was still bubbling and oozy as it hardened, like lava, or amoeba." - the microbiology major daughter.

"Maybe she poured it from the top of the stairs to a bowl at the bottom and it hardened on the way down." - 13 year-old brainiac.

"Maybe she used a bumpy pan." - me. Told you I was the dumb one.

"Hey, and why is it so light colored? Isn't peanut brittle usually a warm amber brown? This is barely toasted ecru." - my fashion designer daughter.

That started a whole new examinational barrage. The crystal structure, the fat circles on the surface, the shapes the pieces broke into, how the candy part clung to the peanuts.

Normal families play with their food occasionally. My family doesn't play with their food. They work it from every possible angle.

My family isn't much like yours.

Gotta love 'em.

By Janet Hudson (originally posted to Flickr as Peanut Brittle)

Really Easy and Cute DIY Leather Flowers

Always seems to happen. I get the shopping and making of gifts done by the first of December and then I think, "Oh, I could make this little thing or that little thing." And suddenly my kitchen table and counter top are taken over by these little last-minute projects for the next week or so.

The table and kitchen in late December 2013

Well, this is one of those late 2013 projects. They really are cute, quick, and easy.

I made these Leather Flowers as pins and attached them to handmade elastic headbands for the 10 and 11 year-old girls that I teach in church. I (and my oldest daughter) also made some other fabric and ribbon flowers at the same time which I may show you how to make in a future post. I gave each girl a hairband and four varied, but 'matchy' flowers to pin onto the hairband, or to a cardigan, or to close up a scarf.


To make them, you will need:

• scraps of leather (I had some from covering our kitchen chairs, but you can buy small leather pieces at leather goods stores or craft stores)
• metal brads (brads come in lots of colors and shapes, too)
• pin backs
• glue (hot glue or e-6000 work well)

Also, scissors and a hole punch or awl.




Start by printing the pdf of the flower pattern. I included 3 different kinds of flowers on the pattern. Or you can just cut without a pattern, which is what I did. I like the randomness of freehand. (Of course, I do!)   

A link to a pdf pattern is here (but, really, you can just freehand this!)

leather flower pattern

Then cut three sizes of leather flowers from the scrap leather. Punch holes with the awl or leather punch tool in the center of each flower.

I wanted my flowers to be a little more 3 dimensional than they were looking, so I got them moderately wet, scrunched them up in my hands and then put them in the dryer for about 15 minutes on high heat. I got them out while they were still hot and scrunched some more until they cooled. You can do this step, or not.

At right, 3 cut out flowers with holes punched. Middle, flower with  a brad and right, flower with glued on pinback.

Put the flowers together any way you like - with the suede side up or smooth side up or a combination, lining up the holes in the centers.

Slip the shaft of a brad through the holes from the top to the back. Then open the two prongs out tightly against the back of the flower.

Finally, glue on a pin back over the ends of the closed brad. Let the glue set.

See. It really was quick and easy.